economicmultipliers_160

Economic Multipliers (160)

Do you know what these are?

They help CREATE wealth in systems.

Good relationships are an economic multiplier any time of the year.

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Several people have told me over the years that if you didn’t do something (get married, have kids, etc.), you really have no valid advice.

And yet, while giving some ‘tea’ for a gift, these thoughts go along to a young couple starting to make their way in this world:

‘Tea is a great way to share joy …. (and) … If anything else ever ‘brews,’ silence while sharing a cup of tea can help ‘simmer’ emotions and thought. (For the giftees … ) I get the impression you already have a ‘conflict’ strategy. I’m glad.’

Many individuals think they’d never like tea. Some teas have a cinnamony taste that is almost sweet and is great iced … especially for kids.

When your children bring possible significant others home to meet family, you might want to find out whether they work on ‘projects’ together or whether they just ‘hang out.’

I was invited to a family’s home one year by a possible suitor and met his family (who were very nice). We went hiking many times together and I lost touch with him several years after he moved away and got married.

It occurred to me while chatting with a parent that if some of the time we had spent together had been spent doing things like shopping for groceries and preparing food together, building things or putting pictures up on walls, or even volunteering together for some project we both had an interest in, I would more likely have seen him as a possible lifelong partner.

Meal selection defines daily food preferences and the desire to take care of health. Food shopping defines how well a person budgets and whether they discount shop, high end shop or balance budgeting with a bit of extravagance. Cooking defines whether an individual learned any ‘survival’ skills growing up like how to plan, how to read directions, how to peel or dice something and/or how to clean up.

Projects define preparation, teaching and learning skills. It doesn’t matter whether a person has a skill or whether they’ve ever used a particular tool. It does matter whether they are willing to learn OR teach with a ‘this is easy to do once you’ve learned how to do it’ attitude. It does matter that they recognize that there are many different ways to accomplish similar things. It does matter that they respect other’s opinions … even when they consider those opinions to be less ‘educated’ or less ‘knowledgeable.’ (The ‘smartest’ people I’ve ever met never turn down an opportunity to explore possibilities.)

Volunteering (even if it’s only for a day) helps define how well people get along with others, what kinds of outside interests a person has and whether it would be ‘easy’ to find ways to spend enjoyable time with that person. If you get a chance to volunteer through some youth activity (or perhaps even take a bit of time to do a bit of babysitting for friends or relatives or prepare food with or play some games with kids), you also get a chance to see what it might be like if you ever had kids together.

In paying attention over the years, I’ve noticed that ‘projects’ are more easily accomplished if the person with the greatest skill takes the lead while listening to and incorporating the thoughts and advice of the others around them who may be equally talented … just in other areas. I’ve also noticed that ‘projects’ are more easily accomplished if ‘the group’ decides in advance who is going to ‘take the lead’ and respects that decision until the project is completed (unless it becomes clear that an individual with MUCH greater skill would be a better choice). Of course, the best projects are the projects where everyone on the ‘team’ wants the other team members to develop and succeed … paving the way for even better things in the future.

And, I’ve noticed that the couples who seem to have the best relationships have an attitude whereby they believe their spouse is the best part of them (this needs to be true for both partners). They enjoy their relationship without commenting on it to others (mainly because they know that sometimes things do go wrong and continuous replays … particularly of negative events … do not create good lives or relationships). And, they don’t have sex-defined ‘rules’ about who does what: They build their relationship and life together in ways which make sense which are respectful of their partner and others.

The best parents pass their relationship skills, their project leadership (and following) skills and their ‘survival’ skills on to their children. Everything they do in the course of their daily home lives is seen as a ‘skill’ they need to and have an obligation to teach their children.

Of course, I can’t have these thoughts as I’ve never been married and never had kids.

How can I know?

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Promote your good relationships:

• If you attend an event where ANYONE does not smoke, go outside to smoke even if others don’t.

• If you cannot stop at one SIP, do not drink when you attend events.

• If people are bringing food, drinks and/or gifts and you can afford to do so (without going into debt), ask the host what might be appropriate. If they say ‘nothing’ even when others are bringing something and you feel ‘left out,’ send a thank you note after the event and possibly a gift card that they can spend or donate. Always thank the host.

• Attend only if you want the other people there to be happy.

• Ask the host if they need any help and then follow through if they say yes.

• If you don’t know what to talk about, it’s OK to be silent. If certain conversations cause conflict that can never be resolved or are simply unenjoyable, try to find other things to talk about.

• If people encourage you to eat or drink things that you are not interested in (you may even be planning on eating when you get home if you have any diet restrictions), kindly explain that if you need help choosing your food and drinks, you’ll be sure to ask them later.

• If young people are present, don’t be afraid to check on whether they are ‘grounded’ in their lives while constantly asking yourself if there is something you can do or say which could make a difference.

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P.S. For young people, remember: When your ‘relationship skills’ are developed enough that you decide you are ready to venture into a sexual relationship, get tested with your potential partner for STDs beforehand. Most medical problems are preventable and/or treatable and once you become sexually active, you and your partner need additional medical checks. Know that you are not ready for a sexual relationship if you are not ready for the medical component of it (and the discussion that goes along with it).